Increasingly losing patience with each stride, gym rat Brock Schwartz expressed outrage that he must finish his current step before he can move on to take the next step of his two-and-a-half-mile run.
New to running, Brock is much more familiar with the testosterone-charged pace of the weight room.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” said Schwartz. “This running shit is so stupid!” he continued. “If only there were a way to kill two birds with one dumbbell. What am I supposed to do, hop like a bunny? Skip like a schoolgirl? Or maybe combine them both into a sort of hopscotch situation? All I know is I’ve gotta figure out something that will help me finish this run sooner. I mean, having to take all these steps is ridiculous. It’s 2026, you’d think they woulda developed a quicker way to run by now. We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t take more than one small step at a time while running. Heh, now that’d truly be one giant leap for mankind.”
At press time, witnesses confirmed a visibly anguished Brock suffered a devastating injury crab walking to try and crush cardio and strength training simultaneously.
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