BOSTON — After being left off Nike’s Newbury Street storefront sign reading “Runners Welcome. Walkers Tolerated.” cyclists worldwide are calling on the company to include the underrepresented group with a simple addition: “Cyclists Acknowledged.”
Posted ahead of the Boston Marathon, the sign is just the latest in a series of Nike marketing efforts designed to alienate athletes the company has yet to figure out how to profit from.
Nike issued a statement addressing the online backlash:
“We value bicyclists as much as the next global entity, but despite how prominent our brand is, we simply cannot be all things to all people, especially non-elite people. Especially those who insist on exercising on two wheels rather than two feet.
Greatness is a choice, not an outcome, and we boldly dare all athletes to step forward with courage, trust in their own potential, and discover the greatness that unfolds the moment they choose to begin running and never stop moving forward at an elevated pace.”
At press time, Nike was preparing to issue an apology for omitting swimmers entirely.
- Kevin Refuses to Go Down on Wife During Marathon Training
- Report: ‘Pain Cave’ More Closely Resembles ‘Pain Cavern’
- Saucony Swaps Insensitive ‘Hurricane’ Shoe Name for ‘Earthquake’
- Guy Unsure When, Why, or How He Became a Runner
- Game Over: Kyle Convinced Bullpen Entrance Song Gives Him Edge in Race
- CEO Admits New Running Shoe “Ass”: “We’ve Made it Worse”
- Researchers Determine Men’s Marathon Record More Impressive Than Cure for Cancer
- Derek Calls Night Runs ‘Relaxing,’ Mystified by Concept of Women’s Safety
- Boston Marathon Bans Porta-Potties, Requires Runners to Carry Own Waste
- Company Scraps Carbon Neutral Commitment; Will Emit More CO2
- Road Runner Transitions to Trail Runner—Not Everyone Is an Ally
- Runner Clearly Only Stopped In Café To Use Restroom, Pretends Otherwise
- LA Marathon Scraps Finisher Medals for Starter Participation Trophies
- Brock Furious He Must Finish Current Step Before Taking Next Step
- ESPN Cancels Ill-Advised “First Take” Running Spinoff Show
- Runner’s World Confirms Shoe Stack Height the New “Penis Size”
- Method Runner Refuses to Break Character When Not Running
- 4/20 Casts Cloud Over Boston Marathon; Spectators Oddly Chill, Runners Compromised
- Gel Brand Drops Marathoner After Pregnancy Deemed Incompatible With Peak Performance
- Dos Equis Introduces the “Most Interesting Runner in the World”
- JD Vance Unveils “F*ck a Couch to 5K” Plan
- Running Influencer Shills Self-Confidence Not to Follow Him
- Goldendoodle “Winston” Burned Out from Marathon Training
- Diehard Vegan Unknowingly Commits Insect Genocide on Every Run
- Boston Marathon Renames Heartbreak Hill to “One Big Beautiful Hill”
- FanDuel Lets You Bet on Amateur Runners—Even Your Daughter
- Boston’s Top American Talbi Reveals He Wore Glasses to Avoid Detection as Contender
- Cyclists Demand Inclusion in Nike Ad That Acknowledges Everyone Except Them
- D.A.R.E. Out: Schools Use Runner’s High as Drug-Free Strategy
- Healed Injury Refuses to Quit Being Mitch’s Excuse Not to Run
- Study Finds Energy Gels Provide No Nutritional Value, Entirely Placebo
- Amid Batshit Prices, Runners Resort to Renting Shoes
- Ted Dreads Honeymoon Abroad — “Where the Hell Will I Run?”
- Runner Does Same Route in Same Shoes—Refuses to Do Missionary
- NYRR Replaces Road Races with Trail Races; Unveils 19+1 Program
- Report: Straight White Male Runner Not Center of Universe
- Runner Finally Comfortable Enough to Drop from 10- to 9-Inch Inseam
- After F1: Drive to Survive Success, Netflix Orders 6 Seasons of “Run to Have Fun”
- Researchers Determine Heel Pull Tabs Serve No Purpose
- Teresa Never Experiences Runner’s High with Boyfriend, Continues Faking It
- Gregory Desperately Trying to Outrun “The Runs” Mid-Run
- Reviews Are In: Kids Running Movie Can’t Go the Distance
- Tracksmith Sells Singlet for “Losers” Failing to Qualify for Boston
- Running Warehouse Shutters Operations Following Departure of Its Heart and Soul
- UCAN Sponsors Male Runner After Demonstrating “Elite Virility” in Impregnating Wife
- Mattel Bows to Trump’s Demands With Homoerotic Runner Ken Doll
- Courageous Runner Tempts Fate By Wearing Two Left (L) Socks
- Archaeologists Unearth Prehistoric Running Shoe Circa 2019
- Report: “The Yips” Afflicting Runners at Alarming Rate
- World Athletics Adopts ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Course for Road Running Championships
- Saucony Partners with Duolingo to Educate Runners on ‘Saucony’ Pronunciation
- Amateur Runner Self-Imposes 5-Year Ban After Admitting to Creatine Use
- New Balance Unveils the ‘OUT-AND-BACK,’ Finally Offering Alternative to the ‘TRACK’
- Psychopath Runs In Total Silence, Waves Like It’s Normal
- Boston Qualifiers Alarmed by Growing Trend of Charity Runners “Helping Other People”
- Luis Swears He’ll Run Tomorrow—Same Lie as Yesterday
- Nike and 41-Year-Old Kipchoge Aim to Shave Entire Hour off Marathon Record
- “It’s a Wonderful Run” Shows It’s a Miserable Life Without Running
- Creep “Flirts” with Crush Solely Using Strava
- Company Confuses ‘Biannual,’ Locks Itself Into Double the Shoe Updates
- Running Influencer Calls for Inclusive Sport That Excludes Pros
