It’s a Wonderful Run, a horror reimagining of the 1946 Christmas classic, It’s a Wonderful Life, hits theaters today. The film centers around Jorge Bailey, who’s shown what his life would be like without running — it’s grim.
Throughout the 130-minute run time, Jorge’s life unfolds in flashbacks, including the day his father, Peter, first forced Jorge to run with him. It quickly becomes apparent, much like Kelly Clarkson’s unapologetically co-dependent pop ballad of a similar name, Jorge’s life would suck without running.
But fresh off a DNF at the Bedford Falls Marathon and failing yet again to qualify for the Boston Marathon, Jorge is just about to give up the sport for good, until a guardian running coach, Clarence, appears. Clarence shows Jorge how his life would’ve turned out without racking up miles over the years. The sequences that follow are truly the stuff of nightmares.
We first observe Jorge suffering from severe depression, caused by the sinister nature of the world in the 2020’s, coupled with no regular release of endorphins to boost his mood. Jorge spends his days lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking there ought to be more to life. When he does finally leave the comfort of the sheets, he hardly ever steps foot on the streets. Instead, choosing the comfort of the couch over starting a “couch to 5k” training plan.
In this bleak reality, Jorge lives alone, with no social life of any kind. Having never joined his local running club, he never made friends, met his wife Maria, nor had three children who—surprisingly—hate running.
The final shot of the film finds Jorge in a mental institution, crouched in a straight jacket, rocking back and forth. It’s explained, without running, he was driven insane from the pressure of his demanding, soul-sucking corporate job. Poor fella never got to experience running’s benefits, including improved sleep, sharpened focus, and enhanced physical and mental health. And he didn’t have an outlet to reduce stress hormones like cortisol.
“You see,” Clarence tells Jorge, “No man is a failure who runs.”
Produced by the Running Association of America, It’s a Wonderful Run is obvious propaganda for the sport — and it’s quite effective. The film makes no mention of Christmas.
- Kevin Refuses to Go Down on Wife During Marathon Training
- Game Over: Kyle Convinced Bullpen Entrance Song Gives Him Edge in Race
- Ted Dreads Honeymoon Abroad — “Where the Hell Will I Run?”
- Running Warehouse Shutters Operations Following Departure of Its Heart and Soul
- After F1: Drive to Survive Success, Netflix Orders 6 Seasons of “Run to Have Fun”
- NYRR Replaces Road Races with Trail Races; Unveils 19+1 Program
- Teresa Never Experiences Runner’s High with Boyfriend, Continues Faking It
- Boston Marathon Renames Heartbreak Hill to “One Big Beautiful Hill”
- UCAN Sponsors Male Runner After Demonstrating “Elite Virility” in Impregnating Wife
- World Athletics Adopts ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Course for Road Running Championships
- Company Scraps Carbon Neutral Commitment; Will Emit More CO2
- Report: ‘Pain Cave’ More Closely Resembles ‘Pain Cavern’
- Cyclists Demand Inclusion in Nike Ad That Acknowledges Everyone Except Them
- Healed Injury Refuses to Quit Being Mitch’s Excuse Not to Run
- 4/20 Casts Cloud Over Boston Marathon; Spectators Oddly Chill, Runners Compromised
- Report: “The Yips” Afflicting Runners at Alarming Rate
- Gel Brand Drops Marathoner After Pregnancy Deemed Incompatible With Peak Performance
- Running Influencer Shills Self-Confidence Not to Follow Him
- LA Marathon Scraps Finisher Medals for Starter Participation Trophies
- Brock Furious He Must Finish Current Step Before Taking Next Step
- CEO Admits New Running Shoe “Ass”: “We’ve Made it Worse”
- Diehard Vegan Unknowingly Commits Insect Genocide on Every Run
- Gregory Desperately Trying to Outrun “The Runs” Mid-Run
- Goldendoodle “Winston” Burned Out from Marathon Training
- Researchers Determine Heel Pull Tabs Serve No Purpose
- Creep “Flirts” with Crush Solely Using Strava
- Runner’s World Confirms Shoe Stack Height the New “Penis Size”
- Dos Equis Introduces the “Most Interesting Runner in the World”
- Road Runner Transitions to Trail Runner—Not Everyone Is an Ally
- ESPN Cancels Ill-Advised “First Take” Running Spinoff Show
- Reviews Are In: Kids Running Movie Can’t Go the Distance
- JD Vance Unveils “F*ck a Couch to 5K” Plan
- Amateur Runner Self-Imposes 5-Year Ban After Admitting to Creatine Use
- Tracksmith Sells Singlet for “Losers” Failing to Qualify for Boston
- Boston’s Top American Talbi Reveals He Wore Glasses to Avoid Detection as Contender
- Study Finds Energy Gels Provide No Nutritional Value, Entirely Placebo
- Runner Clearly Only Stopped In Café To Use Restroom, Pretends Otherwise
- Archaeologists Unearth Prehistoric Running Shoe Circa 2019
- Nike and 41-Year-Old Kipchoge Aim to Shave Entire Hour off Marathon Record
- Courageous Runner Tempts Fate By Wearing Two Left (L) Socks
- Mattel Bows to Trump’s Demands With Homoerotic Runner Ken Doll
- D.A.R.E. Out: Schools Use Runner’s High as Drug-Free Strategy
- FanDuel Lets You Bet on Amateur Runners—Even Your Daughter
- Boston Qualifiers Alarmed by Growing Trend of Charity Runners “Helping Other People”
- Boston Marathon Bans Porta-Potties, Requires Runners to Carry Own Waste
- Researchers Determine Men’s Marathon Record More Impressive Than Cure for Cancer
- Guy Unsure When, Why, or How He Became a Runner
- Derek Calls Night Runs ‘Relaxing,’ Mystified by Concept of Women’s Safety
- Tracksmith and rabbit Unveil Shared Tortoise Logo to Differentiate Brands
- Runner Does Same Route in Same Shoes—Refuses to Do Missionary
- Running Influencer Calls for Inclusive Sport That Excludes Pros
- “It’s a Wonderful Run” Shows It’s a Miserable Life Without Running
- Method Runner Refuses to Break Character When Not Running
- Company Confuses ‘Biannual,’ Locks Itself Into Double the Shoe Updates
- Runner Finally Comfortable Enough to Drop from 10- to 9-Inch Inseam
- Psychopath Runs In Total Silence, Waves Like It’s Normal
- Report: Straight White Male Runner Not Center of Universe
- New Balance Unveils the ‘OUT-AND-BACK,’ Finally Offering Alternative to the ‘TRACK’
- Amid Batshit Prices, Runners Resort to Renting Shoes
- Luis Swears He’ll Run Tomorrow—Same Lie as Yesterday
