Road Runner Transitions to Trail Runner—Not Everyone Is an Ally

Discovering that running on dirt feels far more natural than asphalt, Kendall Parker has transitioned from a road runner to a trail runner — finally becoming who she was always meant to be.

For too long, Kendall ran with the unshakable sense that something was off. She always thought it was just a strong aversion to the sport. But that wasn’t it. She knows full well there are marvelously worse, spectacularly more mundane activities to waste time on. Like cycling. Or golf.

Inspired by a Cosmopolitan magazine headline claiming “Trail Runners Have More Fun,” the moment she slipped on a pair with lugs and hit the ‘ol dusty trail, something inside her came alive — it’s like she had been reborn.

Kendall’s Critics

Not everyone is supportive of Kendall’s transition. Predominantly road runners, Kendall’s running group gave her the cold shoulder after she ditched road shoulders—and ditches. They hardly recognize her anymore — gaiters, trekking poles, and a hydration vest have transformed her completely.

Her ultra-conservative family worries about Kendall’s safety navigating tree roots, rocks, and uneven terrain. Not to mention snakes, ticks, and bears — oh my! 

Kendall’s friends and family aren’t the only ones vehemently against trail running. A far-right U.S. Senator recently introduced a bill to ban trail-transitioning runners, citing the “radically liberal” nature of the activity. (No lanes, traffic signs, clear right of ways, etc.)

The bill would forbid trail runners from competing with road runners, in both races and recreational runs. Dubbed the “Trail of Liberal Tears” the bill’s gained serious traction in the Senate — ironic, given traction is a key component of trail running, with deep lugs and grippy rubber playing essential roles.

The Alabama senator explains the bill’s origins.

“It’s called the road to heaven, not the trail to heaven, damnit! Pray tell, why in the hell would y’all shun the metaphorical path leading to eternal salvation?

Besides, trails always have a negative meanin’: You’ve got dat Oregon Trail computer game where everybody dies of the dysentery, trail mix — the worst of the mixes, just give me the friggin’ M&M’s — and, umm, leavin’ a paper trail is always a bad idea. Trust me on that last one. How do y’all think I’ve avoided sex scandal after embezzlement scandal after bribery scandal from comin’ out?

Plus, trails ain’t even patriotic! Why would y’all waste hard-workin’ taxpayers’ hard-earned money by not using big, beautiful roads the government paved just for y’all? Very ungrateful! If it’s safe enough for drunk drivers, it’s suitable for pansy-ass runners. Roll tide!”

And quite bizarrely, even J.K. Rowling has randomly come out strongly against transitioning runners. The “Harry Potter” author put out a series of harsh statements, writings, and tweets invalidating transrunner identities and promoting harmful stereotypes, contributing to a hostile environment for them.

Kendall’s support system

Fortunately, Kendall’s still got allies in her friend group who support her through thick brush and thin trees. Through high elevations and low visibility. Through poison ivy, poison oak, poison sumac and….poisonous berries. From the bottommost base to the tallest peak. Ain’t no mountain high, ain’t no valley low.

Kendall’s traded in pounding pavement for traversing trails, and she’s never been happier.

“All my life, I’d been living a lie, but the truth has liberated me—and now I’m running free on the trails, left, right, and center, without a care in the world. I’m literally and figuratively blazing my own path. I always hated being told there’s one correct side to run on.

Trail running truly lets you express yourself without fear of judgment. I mean, have you seen some of the freaks on the trails these days?“

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