Game Over: Kyle Convinced Bullpen Entrance Song Gives Him Edge in Race

Weaponizing bullpen entrance music strictly as intimidation, Kyle Ward is convinced running an entire half marathon to the same 60-second clip of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” will give him an edge over other racers — none of whom can hear it through his earbuds.

Essentially, Kyle’s whole strategy for the Wilmington Historic Half hinges on reenacting former New York Yankees pitcher Mariano Rivera’s iconic bullpen entrance.

With an average pace of 10:00 minutes per mile, he’ll hear the 1-minute clip roughly 131 times throughout the race. Meaning, to replay just the opening minute of the five-and-a-half-minute song, Kyle will manually tap the “previous track” button roughly 130 times.

An avid sports fan, Kyle understands the great importance of “homefield advantage.” By selecting his own “entrance music” for the out-of-town race, he’s now certain he secured it.

With such menacing lyrics as “Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight” and “Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon’s fire, and of things that will bite” he’s confident the jock jam will “rock” his competition — conveniently ignoring the fact that no one else can hear it.

Rumor has it, Kyle plans to carry a rosin bag to absorb sweat, and will refuel with sunflower seeds and bubble gum to complete the transformation into the Hall of Fame closer. No word yet on whether he’ll spit chewing tobacco along the course to mark his territory.

“Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land”