Choosing to run in complete silence without music, podcasts, or even an audiobook, Tyler Young has been officially classified as a psychopath by local authorities.
As if raw-dogging the silence wasn’t damning enough evidence, Tyler greets pedestrians with a wave and a “hello” rather than keep to himself. So awkward.
Instead of looking away from an approaching runner, he boldly makes friendly eye contact. Clueless fella doesn’t know smiling at strangers is deeply frowned upon. Women assume he’s a sexual predator, and men assume he’s gay…which somehow still makes him a sexual predator.
Believe it or not, he reportedly prefers to “live in the moment” and “get totally immersed in his environment” in lieu of “drowning it all out” with earbuds. Very bizarre.
Basking in mother nature, Tyler savors the sounds of birds singing, wind whistling through trees, and rustling of leaves over the boisterous ramblings of a deranged podcast host or questionable playlists packed with problematic artists. Total hippie.
Running bare-eared isn’t Tyler’s only faux pas. His controversial behavior extends off the roads, too. Apparently, he enjoys making friendly conversation with service workers rather than pretending to be on a call. What a chump.
It must be difficult for Tyler to fit into society without conforming to traditional social mores established in the 2020’s. You’d almost feel bad for him if he weren’t such a freak.
- Running Warehouse Shutters Operations Following Departure of Its Heart and Soul
- LA Marathon Scraps Finisher Medals for Starter Participation Trophies
- Boston Marathon Renames Heartbreak Hill to “One Big Beautiful Hill”
- Psychopath Runs In Total Silence, Waves Like It’s Normal
- Researchers Determine Heel Pull Tabs Serve No Purpose
- Gel Brand Drops Marathoner After Pregnancy Deemed Incompatible With Peak Performance
- Runner Clearly Only Stopped In Café To Use Restroom, Pretends Otherwise
- Diehard Vegan Unknowingly Commits Insect Genocide on Every Run
- Saucony Partners with Duolingo to Educate Runners on ‘Saucony’ Pronunciation
- Ted Dreads Honeymoon Abroad — “Where the Hell Will I Run?”
- Goldendoodle “Winston” Burned Out from Marathon Training
- CEO Admits New Running Shoe “Ass”: “We’ve Made it Worse”
- Healed Injury Refuses to Quit Being Mitch’s Excuse Not to Run
- World Athletics Adopts ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Course for Road Running Championships
- Mattel Bows to Trump’s Demands With Homoerotic Runner Ken Doll
- Kevin Refuses to Go Down on Wife During Marathon Training
- Archaeologists Unearth Prehistoric Running Shoe Circa 2019
- Company Scraps Carbon Neutral Commitment; Will Emit More CO2
- JD Vance Unveils “F*ck a Couch to 5K” Plan
- Game Over: Kyle Convinced Bullpen Entrance Song Gives Him Edge in Race
- FanDuel Lets You Bet on Amateur Runners—Even Your Daughter
- Reviews Are In: Kids Running Movie Can’t Go the Distance
- Dos Equis Introduces the “Most Interesting Runner in the World”
- D.A.R.E. Out: Schools Use Runner’s High as Drug-Free Strategy
- Road Runner Transitions to Trail Runner—Not Everyone Is an Ally
- Amateur Runner Self-Imposes 5-Year Ban After Admitting to Creatine Use
- UCAN Sponsors Male Runner After Demonstrating “Elite Virility” in Impregnating Wife
- Saucony Swaps Insensitive ‘Hurricane’ Shoe Name for ‘Earthquake’
- Luis Swears He’ll Run Tomorrow—Same Lie as Yesterday
- Derek Calls Night Runs ‘Relaxing,’ Mystified by Concept of Women’s Safety
- “It’s a Wonderful Run” Shows It’s a Miserable Life Without Running
- Runner Does Same Route in Same Shoes—Refuses to Do Missionary
- Guy Unsure When, Why, or How He Became a Runner
- Boston Marathon Bans Porta-Potties, Requires Runners to Carry Own Waste
- Report: “The Yips” Afflicting Runners at Alarming Rate
- After F1: Drive to Survive Success, Netflix Orders 6 Seasons of “Run to Have Fun”
- Teresa Never Experiences Runner’s High with Boyfriend, Continues Faking It
- Amid Batshit Prices, Runners Resort to Renting Shoes
- Tracksmith Sells Singlet for “Losers” Failing to Qualify for Boston
- Runner’s World Confirms Shoe Stack Height the New “Penis Size”
- Brock Furious He Must Finish Current Step Before Taking Next Step
- Gregory Desperately Trying to Outrun “The Runs” Mid-Run
- Report: Straight White Male Runner Not Center of Universe
- Creep “Flirts” with Crush Solely Using Strava
- Running Influencer Calls for Inclusive Sport That Excludes Pros
- Cyclists Demand Inclusion in Nike Ad That Acknowledges Everyone Except Them
- ESPN Cancels Ill-Advised “First Take” Running Spinoff Show
- Running Influencer Shills Self-Confidence Not to Follow Him
- New Balance Unveils the ‘OUT-AND-BACK,’ Finally Offering Alternative to the ‘TRACK’
- Company Confuses ‘Biannual,’ Locks Itself Into Double the Shoe Updates


