“It’s a Wonderful Run” Shows It’s a Miserable Life Without Running

It’s a Wonderful Run, a horror reimagining of the 1946 Christmas classic, It’s a Wonderful Life, hits theaters today. The film centers around Jorge Bailey, who’s shown what his life would be like without running — it’s grim.

Throughout the 130-minute run time, Jorge’s life unfolds in flashbacks, including the day his father, Peter, first forced Jorge to run with him. It quickly becomes apparent, much like Kelly Clarkson’s unapologetically co-dependent pop ballad of a similar name, Jorge’s life would suck without running.

But fresh off a DNF at the Bedford Falls Marathon and failing yet again to qualify for the Boston Marathon, Jorge is just about to give up the sport for good, until a guardian running coach, Clarence, appears. Clarence shows Jorge how his life would’ve turned out without racking up miles over the years. The sequences that follow are truly the stuff of nightmares.

We first observe Jorge suffering from severe depression, caused by the sinister nature of the world in the 2020’s, coupled with no regular release of endorphins to boost his mood. Jorge spends his days lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking there ought to be more to life. When he does finally leave the comfort of the sheets, he hardly ever steps foot on the streets. Instead, choosing the comfort of the couch over starting a “couch to 5k” training plan.

In this bleak reality, Jorge lives alone, with no social life of any kind. Having never joined his local running club, he never made friends, met his wife Maria, nor had three children who—surprisingly—hate running.

The final shot of the film finds Jorge in a mental institution, crouched in a straight jacket, rocking back and forth. It’s explained, without running, he was driven insane from the pressure of his demanding, soul-sucking corporate job. Poor fella never got to experience running’s benefits, including improved sleep, sharpened focus, and enhanced physical and mental health. And he didn’t have an outlet to reduce stress hormones like cortisol.

“You see,” Clarence tells Jorge, “No man is a failure who runs.”

Produced by the Running Association of America, It’s a Wonderful Run is obvious propaganda for the sport — and it’s quite effective. The film makes no mention of Christmas.