WOODWARD, Okla. — With no clean right-designated (R) socks in his dresser, defiant runner Cody Schlabach is now recklessly endangering his musculoskeletal system by wearing two left-designated (L) socks on his 4-mile jog this morning.
Schlabach’s close friends and family are reportedly disappointed in his foolhardy behavior and fear that without proper sock alignment, even his motion-control footwear may not be enough to compensate for his severe pronation.
“Haven’t done laundry in going on two weeks,” said Schlabach, who is taking full accountability for the situation. “No excuses. I’ve gotta be as disciplined with my chores as I am with my miles.
I know I’m really playing with fire here, but there’s no chance I’m skipping today’s run. Running is mostly mental anyway, so I’m choosing to ignore the risk. I just hope it doesn’t lead to an Achilles tear. Those seem to be on the rise these days, especially in the NBA.”
Despite the apparent threat, both socks were confirmed to be identical in color and design.
At press time, sources reported Schlabach was once again tempting fate by planning to run tomorrow in a pair of generic athletic socks with neither a left nor right designation.
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