What side of the shoe debate are you on? Despite satisfactorily justifying my running shoe addiction to friends, family, and colleagues, I still get judged each time I purchase a new pair to add to my arsenal. It’s my God-given right to bear armfuls of running shoes and they’ll have to physically pry them from my feet if they want to take ‘em from my running shoe rotation. Here’s why.
Going ballistic
It’s true: often, I don’t even need new shoes, it’s just a blast to buy them! The adrenaline rush from lacing up a new pair is unmatched. I feel in control, for a change. For once, I feel powerful. Only running shoe owners would understand the sensation.
Speaking of sensation, I just love the way the shoes feel in my hands. The soft texture of the mesh upper, the squishiness of the foam, and all the grooves of the rubber on the outsole: it can be quite a sensual experience.
And it sure is easy to buy them! You don’t even have to go into a shoe store—there are dozens upon dozens of online retailers, not to mention various shoe expos held throughout the year. Like, if the government didn’t want us to buy so many running shoes, they wouldn’t make it so darn simple! I mean, they don’t even do background checks on us!
A straight shooter
My shoe collection is on prominent display in my home to impress visitors and let them know how serious I am about running. Oh, and it helps me feel better about myself, too. Of course, the majority of shoes on the rack are just for show. I’ve used some a handful of times and others I haven’t touched since I first bought them. You just never know when you might need to lace up a pair from five years ago. Fortunately, I’ve got several unopened boxes of pairs just sitting in my closet, waiting to be added to my running shoe rotation.
My artillery is unmatched and features various shoes for different purposes. Some are heavier and bulkier to murder recovery day, others are light and nimble to kill speed workouts, and then you’ve got the classic middle of the pack shoes to annihilate daily training. Honestly, the critics are right: there are shoes I own that I’d never need to use. But, I’m not going to wear a shoe with excessive foam for speed day. Or a minimal shoe for recovery runs. Or a trail shoe on the roads! In those instances, the shoes can cause more harm than good to my body.
Biting the bullet
Sure, I don’t need multiple pairs of each type of shoe, but it makes me feel secure knowing I’ve got protection from the outside world and its elements. Moreover, it’s my right to buy as many as I want or feel I need. I firmly believe we need more shoes on the streets, not less, as a solution to keep people safe from obesity and other health issues. Remember, the only thing that stops a bad runner from becoming a good runner is the shoes. And what motivates folks to run? Seeing how cool runners look with shoes on.
Loved ones often express their fear for my financial safety. My response? Let me empty my bank account; I’m shooting myself in the foot, not them. Additionally, having multiple shoes in my rotation gives me protection from harm. Why can’t they see I’m buying shoes for self-defense against injury and boredom from running in the same pairs?
Shoot from the hip
In this polarizing political climate, I simply must stockpile shoes in case brands discontinue models or if USATF outlaws shoes with gigantic stack heights. Any day now, I just know Congress will meet to discuss new limits for shoes and shoe buyers. But, it won’t matter: runners will always find a way to get shoes on their feet even if some are banned or criminalized.
Do I feel bad open carrying the latest running shoes on my feet in public? Nah, it’s not my fault I have the means to purchase the coolest-looking and most expensive shoes. What am I gonna do? Not show off the goods I burned hundreds on? Then, where would I get self-esteem from?
Did you know, every day, hundreds get hurt wearing the wrong shoes? It’s a national epidemic and I sincerely believe we need to arm all teachers, doctors, nurses, cashiers, and every other worker who’s on their feet all day with a pair of decent running shoes. After all, imagine how much more comfortable they would be on the job and how protected their students, patients, and customers would be knowing these important professionals are providing their services at the highest level.
Frankly, shoes don’t hurt runners, runners that choose to wear bad shoes hurt runners. So, assemble your running shoe rotation wisely and stock up before you no longer can. You never know when you might need them.
