Arguably the most important component of a running shoe is the midsole foam. No one cares about the outsole, upper, and especially not the asinine heel pull tab. I ask yet again: how difficult is it to put on and take off a pair of running shoes? So, how can you choose the best running shoe foams to match your picky preferences? Beats me. However, if you’re looking for descriptions of why the name of every midsole foam is silly, you’ve come to the right place.
New Balance’s Fresh Foam
Really? This is the best the Boston-based company could do? “FRESH FOAM?!” Technically, all new shoes have foams that are “fresh,” and, let me tell you, they get very stale very quickly—sometimes after just 100 miles, for some brands that will go named. By using two words that also describe food and drink, New Balance makes it sound like their EVA midsole material is edible. Spoiler: it’s not. I’ve tried it before. Twice. But damn does that icing-colored foam look appetizing! Fool me once, shame on New Balance. Fool me twice, shame on me. But who will I blame when I inevitably get tricked into tasting the foam for a third time?
Besides, using EVA foam in running shoes is not “fresh” in 2024. Don’t get me wrong, some of my favorite midsoles are EVA, but ethylene vinyl acetate has been around since the 1970’s. Unless bell bottoms, platform shoes, and tie-dye come back in style, EVA is as dead as disco.
Saucony’s PWRRUN
ROAR! ME LIFT HEAVY WEIGHTS! ME STRONG! We all want to be powerful, but running companies are the ones with all the power. Sadly, runners are powerless against paying $160 for daily trainers and $250 for a plated shoe—God forbid we want to race. All this shoe price gouging has gouged my bank account while making me feel like gouging my eyes out.
Saucony must think they’re pretty clever naming their foam after such a…”powerful” made-up word. They’re not. “Power” isn’t even near the top of the list of the most desirable traits for a runner. For gym rats? Sure. But runners care far more about speed, endurance, agility, and literally any other physical attribute instead of power. That’s why we skip leg day, arm day, back day, and every other muscle group day. And you can forget about cross training. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
ASICS’ Flytefoam
First ASICS named their two flagship daily trainers after a “surface” that’s physically impossible to run on—clouds (Gel-Nimbus and Cumulus)—then they created Flytefoam, which conjures up images of flying among clouds…by running in shoes? I’m sorry, but one’s feet are never too far off the ground for too long—in any pair of shoes. They can’t even spell the word “flight.” So much for a “sound mind.”
As far as a “sound body,” well, our bodies certainly make plenty of “sounds” while we’re running. It’s one of the major downsides to running—it’s impossible to run without making a ridiculous amount of noise. You’ve got your heavy breathing that sounds like you’re bordering on hyperventilating, outsole rubber thumps that resemble drum beats, and those obnoxiously “loud” (tacky) running outfits we overpay for in the hopes to impress fellow runners, pedestrians, and drivers who don’t give a damn about us or what we’re wearing.
Nike’s ZoomX
Look, COVID ruined a lot of things, not the least of which is the word “zoom.” No one liked meetings to begin with, but little did we know, they would be equally insufferable on Zoom. Sure, we no longer needed to be in the same room to have meetings (thank God), but we still had to appear on screen for everyone to stare at during an entire meeting. If I hear “You’re on mute” one more time, I’m going to lose my shit.
Just like Zoom’s steadily declining stock price, the popularity of the word “zoom” will only continue to plummet. We would quickly learn we had other meeting hosting platforms beyond Zoom: Microsoft Teams, Google Meetings, or just skipping meetings because we have an “appointment.” Sure, those other meeting applications may be equally annoying, but at least we’ve got options.
It’s not so different than runners’ super shoe options. Like Zoom’s popularity during the pandemic, Nike’s super shoes with ZoomX pebax foam will never again reach the popularity levels experienced during 2020-2021. Nike used to be King of the super shoes but now, Saucony’s got the Endorphin Elite and Endorphin Pro, Adidas has the Adizero Adios Pro 3 (and the obnoxious $500 Pro Evo 1), and ASICS has the confusingly named Metaspeed series, to name a few. I think we can all agree it’s time to “zoom out” of Zoom.
Brooks’ DNA
Brooks claims their DNA midsoles “respond to your unique stride, just like you have a unique genetic make-up.” Oh, please. Give me a break, would you? I’ve got some news for the “run happy” company: just as individual people are not special (there are 8 billion people on this planet—we can’t be that different), running shoes and their foams are not tailored to individuals. That’s right, despite what your parents and teachers told you, you’re not extraordinary.
The only “unique” part of a shoe is the selected size and colorway. Even still, there are still thousands who have the same foot shape and colorway. Some people are colorblind, and others just have shitty taste in color; I’m not sure which is worse. One is the loneliest number, anyway. Be a follower, not a leader.
Adidas’ Boost
Ok, this is just a case of false advertising. A “boost” is the last thing you’ll get from this one. Once considered innovative back in 2013 (so was the iPhone 5), this outdated TPU foam found in the Ultraboost line, has been outperformed, outshined, and outclassed by other outstanding foams year in and year out. Hmm, what other words can I make using “out”? Outside of the ones I already mentioned, I could say I’m surprised Boost has outlasted the past decade. Boost is essentially an outcast on this list of foams. Peace out.
HOKA’s ProFly
Refer to the previous ASICS Flytefoam entry about flying.
BONUS: New Balance’s FuelCell
FuelCell sounds like the title of a lame video game. You’ve got Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell, Microsoft’s online card game FreeCell, and…Cellulose: A Plant Cell Biology Game? BOR-ING. Who cares about bio? It’s arguably the least important and most uninteresting science subject. Then again, chemistry sucks, physics is just another dreadful math course, and earth science doesn’t count as real science. I think I’ve come up with the perfect slogan: Science: at least it’s not social studies.
What does the TPU and EVA foam named FuelCell even mean, anyway? Let’s see, according to Merriam-Webster, it’s a device that continuously changes the chemical energy of a fuel and an oxidant directly into electrical energy. Ugh, what does that even mean? See, I told you science blows.
Name over function
Well, I think we can all agree that the names of running shoe foams are far more important than how they perform on the roads or trails. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of foams. There are many other stupidly named running shoe foams on the market just begging to be made fun of. And so, perhaps I will, in a future blog post.
