Brooks Running was mighty proud to announce today a commitment to increase carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gas emissions by making all their footwear carbon negative—not carbon neutral—effective immediately. The Seattle-based company is now fully devoted to producing shoes that are less sustainable, more environmentally unfriendly, and much more toxic to planet Earth.
In a statement, Brooks explained how the stars aligned for the brand to pivot away from the production of carbon neutral shoes and toward carbon negative kicks.
“It’s 2025, the world is more fractured than ever. Let’s be honest, it’s a shit show. A real hell hole. Total dumpster fire. In this polarizing political, social, and every other type of climate, it’d be unbelievably tone deaf for us not to adjust our business model to better reflect the batshit times we’re living in. It just wouldn’t be fair to our customers, stockholders, and anyone else who supports us financially and expects nothing but total corruption from corporations.”
Brooks continued:
“We can no longer, in good faith, remain neutral on such a controversial and consequential issue as CO2 emissions. The time to act is now—not tomorrow, not yesterday. And so we must act swiftly and decisively before it’s too late.”
A Curious Flip Flop
The decision is quite the 180 from a company that, until yesterday, had an entire webpage dedicated to climate change. The now defunct webpage had stated: “At Brooks, we believe climate change demands urgent and universal action. The planet’s our home, and because more than 150 million people run outside, it’s critical we take care of it.”
The footwear company had even outlined specific actions to combat climate change through a series of targeted goals. Brooks had declared it was taking a science-based approach to address climate change and aligning efforts across every level of the business to reduce GHG emissions, from raw materials to manufacturing processes, at every stage of its global supply chain.
Brooks named another factor in its decision to abandon carbon neutral shoe production and increase its waste production.
“It didn’t hurt that studies we conducted found it’s much easier to emit carbon dioxide and other gases in the production of shoes than it is to not emit them. We recognized the tall task ahead of us and said, ‘Fuck it.’ And, that’s about the scope of it. We are not vice signaling—not to be confused with virtue signaling. It’s not that deep, as the kids say.”
Brooks concluded their statement with some sage words of wisdom.
“We wish we could’ve remained committed to carbon neutrality because it’s better not taking a side and standing for nothing. However, the degenerate state of the world forced our hand. Plus, wishes don’t always come true, even if you make them on your birthday or at 11:11. Even if you don’t tell anyone what you wished for.”
As part of the announcement, Brooks revealed it’s ditching the slogan “Let’s Run There” in favor of “Let’s Drive There” to better align with its new CO2-emitting endeavors.
These decisions by Brooks are sure to send shockwaves throughout the running industry. It’ll be fascinating to see how consumers respond to this depraved business move. One thing’s for sure: the ball’s now in the court of the other shoe brands to one-up Brooks by doing something even more fucked up. I, for one, couldn’t be more excited to see how it all unfolds. Grab your popcorn, folks.
