Eagerly declaring it has a deeper purpose for existing beyond just selling running gear, ASICS wants the world to know it sells footwear, apparel, accessories, and equipment for a variety of other sports, too.
Along with running, the Japanese company peddles products for sports including tennis, wrestling, volleyball, padel (whatever that is), soccer, golf, and, hell, even pickleball — which ASICS willingly admits is not a real sport.
A spokesperson for ASICS issued a statement:
“We were created on the guiding philosophy of Anima Sana In Corpore Sano. This is the idea that folks get happier when they push their bodies — and spend their money…on our products. Fortunately, we’ve got all your sporting goods needs covered, whether you’re in the market for a wrestling ear guard to protect against wet willies, a ridiculous golf visor that makes men look like virgins, or even a pair of hideous pickleball shoes — not that you need specific shoes for pickleball, because it’s not a real sport.
We wholeheartedly believe in forcing a variety of overpriced products onto a variety of undereducated consumers. It plays a pivotal role in improving lives, contributing to shared values, and creating a positive impact that people can connect to on an emotional or cultural level.”
Brand values
ASICS outlined its guiding principles in a press release.
- Creating something to believe in — Skillfully deceiving people into thinking ASICS will transform their lives and help achieve meaningful goals.
- Building community — Artfully creating a deep fear of isolation, loneliness, and exclusion by implying, without ASICS gear, you don’t belong.
- Contributing to collective well-being — Aggressively pushing a multitude of products across different sports that benefit ASICS’ bottom line.
- Inspiring action — Forcefully demanding individuals engage with ASICS, through the following methods.
- Advocating for the purchase of ASICS Corporation (ASCCF) stock.
- Encouraging lifestyle changes — aka spending more income on ASICS.
- Or simply joining the conversation to get friends, family, colleagues, and total strangers to also buy from ASICS.
The spokesperson continued:
“Our founder, Kihachiro Onitsuka, lived to inspire, support, and encourage everyone to embrace an active lifestyle because he hated lazy people. Onitsuka wanted us to be accessible for all sports consumers, ranging from ugly, pathetic beginners to sexy, accomplished studs, so that we have a larger customer base.
It’s funny, our company was originally founded to raise the spirit of Japanese youth. Ultimately, we decided to expand globally because it’s asinine to sell to just one meaningless age group in one country. I mean, could you imagine how idiotic that’d be? Anyway, these powerful ideals helped form the ASICS you know and love today.”
The running shoe company recognizes a brand’s purpose is its promise to people; the positive difference it’s committed to making in their lives and in the world they share. To that end, the corporation boldly promises its customers will be “fly as hell” in its gear, no matter which sport they fail at.
The spokesperson concluded: “At the end of the day, isn’t looking cool all that really matters in life?”
