Appearing visibly agonized and sweaty upon entrance, it quickly became evident that runner Zane Davenport only stopped by local Java Junction Café to relieve himself of the nagging urge to take a massive dump mid-run.
Running Influencer Shills Self-Confidence Not to Follow Him
Strongly urging his thousands of dedicated, niche-specific followers not to let him sway their opinions or purchasing decisions, running influencer TJ Bailey is shilling the self-confidence necessary to ignore him.
Brock Furious He Must Finish Current Step Before Taking Next Step
Increasingly losing patience with each stride, gym rat Brock Schwartz expressed unbridled outrage that he must finish his current step before he can move on to take the next step of his two-and-a-half-mile run.
Teresa Never Experiences Runner’s High with Boyfriend, Continues Faking It
Careful not to bruise the fragile ego of her insecure boyfriend, Teresa Sanchez routinely fakes experiencing the runner’s high on their runs together.
Company Confuses ‘Biannual,’ Locks Itself Into Double the Shoe Updates
What began as a running company’s confusion over the word “biannual” has inadvertently solidified into a release strategy involving updating each shoe twice a year — instead of once every other year.
Game Over: Kyle Convinced Bullpen Entrance Song Gives Him Edge in Race
Weaponizing bullpen entrance music strictly as intimidation, Kyle Ward is convinced running his entire half marathon to the same 60-second clip of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” will give him an edge over other racers — none of whom can hear it through his earbuds.