Amid a vast, deserted landfill nowhere particularly significant, a team of archaeologists has discovered what they think to be an ancient running shoe circa 2019. The previously unidentified stationary object …
Kevin Refuses to Go Down on Wife During Marathon Training
Kevin Mitchell’s spring marathon training sure is intense, but it’s not nearly as rigorous as his daily regimen of alienating everyone he knows.
Foolishly believing qualifying for the Boston Marathon will change his life, Kevin refuses to let anything get in the way of achieving his fever dream — even if it ends in a nightmare divorce from wife Brittany and losing custody of his two daughters, Amelia, 6, and June, 4.
JD Vance Unveils “F*ck a Couch to 5K” Plan
In the latest foolproof Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) initiative, Vice President JD Vance has launched his “F*ck a Couch to 5K” program.
Tracksmith Sells Singlet for “Losers” Failing to Qualify for Boston
Today, Tracksmith was proud to introduce an exclusive singlet, reserved for the “underachievers” who tried—and failed—to qualify for the 2026 Boston Marathon.
Gregory Desperately Trying to Outrun “The Runs” Mid-Run
With no restroom, porta-potty, woods, or hole in the ground within a 3-mile vicinity, Gregory Bachman III is absolutely terrified he’s gonna shit his pants before making it home from running.
Road Runner Transitions to Trail Runner—Not Everyone Is an Ally
Discovering that running on dirt feels far more natural than asphalt, Kendall Parker has transitioned from a road runner to a trail runner — finally becoming who she was always meant to be.